Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in silencetalks' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 13th, 2006
1:06 pm	I still i have no idea who i am suppose to be. Im going to ireland in october. I still have no idea what i am suppose to do. I quit my job. I still have no idea what i am suppose to feel. We've been together almost 9 months. One day i'll find myself, but until then this is myself. And ill live with that. Current Music: MINUS THE BEAR <-good (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
8:13 pm	Happy fucking mothers day! My grandmothers very ill, but i just cant by sympathetic when she wraps it in a layer of hardcore bitchyness. i wish, and im going to hell for this, she would just move to the higher place already. Fuck i want to do something, say something, feel something, that i feel i should be doing, saying and feeling. We're still dating, 6 something months, ha i change my feelings about him so fast. and i hate myself for that Ha,i made a damn cool ring for mothers day, and someone stole it. I hope you rot in hell you ring theft. other then that i feel like laying on the grass. LIVEJOURNAL SUCKS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (Comment on this)
Friday, March 10th, 2006
10:30 pm	Tonight was good, good in its finest form, great. And no matter what becomes of us, where we end up even if time isn’t our friend, I will always look back on that moment and know I was truly happy and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Current Music: spiritulized, floating in space (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
9:38 pm	Hey! what up journal i never write in anymore. I am currently happy, wait i found a better word: pleased. So i am currently pleased right now so that means i have no anger or criticism to write with anymore. but have no fear i will once again be my depressed lonesome self again in no time. P.S he's kisses are oh so nice. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
10:04 pm	long time I have a boyfriend now. For the fist time in years, like 3 to be exact. I dont know, he's a great catch, dont get me wrong, it just doesnt feel....right. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
9:46 pm	I took a jog tonight. I ran past a beer bottle in the middle of a sidewalk. I wondered what was the story behind that beer bottle. It’s weird knowing ill never know. I past a blind woman and her dog and I try to imagine what it can possibility be like to not see. Then it occurs to me most people are probably blinder then her. I ran to the cemetery, as usual, and think to myself how different it looks when its not completely black outside. I start thinking to myself why am I even doing this, why do I jog. To better my health, to clear my mind, to venture the outdoors, to obtain the look of beauty? I realize then how ugly I do look when trying to be pretty. Now leaving the cemetery and back on the roads filled with cars and the occasional pedestrians. A green car passes by with their left rear light out. Who’s inside and where’s their destination. I wonder if everyone else feels as awkward as I do all the time. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
2:47 am	"This is our tsunami" So things have got me thinking, a little too hard, and not enough. I’m willing to admit I just got done crying for quite some time over a hurricane named Katrina. And it only makes it worse knowing my sulking does nothing for no one. In the time that I was not thinking of this natural disaster’s victims, I caught my self thinking selfish thoughts. Such as “oh poor me, I work a 12 hour shift while the sun shines outside” and “oh I wish I was as pretty as that girl” and “oh look I have no new messages” Today at work, I saw this guy pray before he took a bite out of his cardboard burger. It made me smile and feel like crying all at once. I think people find my personality hard to get along with. This is why I don’t have many friends, I know this, you know this, we all do. And this is also why I haven’t had a boyfriend in 2 and half something years. I like how im turning the focus back to me. Because really no matter how many people die it all comes back to ones self. I havnt so much as tried to pick up a pencil to create anything artistic in weeks. I find my inspiration completely drained, and dried, from my insides. What if people got inspiration from having no inspiration. ….I think im swimming to deep in the shallow end…. pshh, who sleeps at night anyways... Current Music: DCFC, PLANS (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
12:21 pm	Today I woke up not thinking about work, I had all together forgotten about work and working. Usually on days which I have to work I wake up thinking ‘damn I have to work’ and days that I don’t ‘yay I don’t have to work’ but today I did neither. But yes I do have to work today, after having many days off. My hair is gone, well three-four inches of it. It’s also dyed this grape color. My aunt lost her very important job at the hospital and her son got put in jail for a drug bust. My birthday is in two days. I wish my friends were friends. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
10:46 pm	Back from camping up north in Stevens Point. It was fun. I am neither a materialistic “eww I just broke a nail girl” but I am neither a made of steal ranger like tom boy. So im glad to be back but also had a great time. I’ve got lots of stories but ill keep them to myself. One thing that was incredibly fun was jumping off this bridge down 20-30 feet into a massive body of water, climbing back up and doing it again and again. I have off most this week which makes me happy. I have made a mental list of things to do before my sweet summer is completely gone. Two in which involve going to Madison and Milwaukee to walk down town to various stores and buying things that look cool. Oh I also want to go to the outdoor movie theater because this is the last summer its open. Oh I also want to die my hair purple. Hmmm and ive always wanted to walk up to a almost stranger and randomly make out with them, I think ill have to be drunk for this one. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 19th, 2005
1:07 am	I GOT PUT IN A HOLDING CELL AND GOT TO RIDE IN THE BACK OF THE COPS PIMP RIDE. I LABEL MYSELF BAD ASS. Do you think its bad to date someone almost 5 years older then you? camping this friday. belly peirced I hate playing stupid relationship games. THEY MAKE ME GO CRAZY. I asked someone if they wanted whipcream on their nuts at work today. I laughed they laughed it was a gay ol delight. Current Music: the deers (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
3:19 pm	This entry is about me and my fake self. Have you ever realized your not being yourself, and while your not being yourself, you realize how fucking stupid your being but still you continue on not being yourself because the hole’s half dug you might as well finish it. Morals, what be they? I am this huge hypocrite, but inside my mind it’s all a perfectly clear fog. If I believed in God or the Devil id worship the Govil. Big crowds make me sad and Parties make me lonely. I’ll keep talking as if I have something to say. Letters become words and words become talk, and talks are just thoughts sliding from your mind out your mouth and somewhere along the ride they get lost in translation and nothing comes out just right. The media well be the end of us. And somewhere between the T.V and the magazine pages they place a hypnotic trance on us that makes it feel as if were thinking for ourselves but in truth were not. The image of what’s sexy, good, bad, or ugly is all thanks to them. We are what they want us to be, a walking advertisement cliché. Oh and your hard core basement band is not unique. And I think its funny that all the outside-the-box thinkers and all the hard core individuals all shop at the same fucking store, hot topic. yet they diss all preppy preppy Abercrombie posers. Well news for you, were all the same. Go a head disagree with every thing I say, hell half of me disagrees as well. Disagreeing is the strongest power an individual holds next to the button that launches the nuclear weapons that kill those that disagree with us. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
12:22 pm	I never thought i'd say this, but in a way im sort of happy im working all the time. When im busy there's no time for depression break downs and so on. It's my birthday soon, well not really, more like a month away. I guess im more excited to say its my birthday then my actual birthday is. Blah (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
1:53 am	Last night 2 of my coworkers and I, celebrated Sarah’s birthday at her house. I ended up getting totally wasted, and high. This was my 1st time for both. Did a lot of puking, and hang over next morning. I usually don’t do this stuff, so im just gonna say it was a one time, trying, thing. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
11:58 pm	My hair’s blue In other news… I haven’t wanted to do anything in weeks, and im pretty convinced I’m a useless pile of organs. I’m extremely tired but I know sleep wont take me for at least 3 more hours. I feel incredibly lonely, and am craving the feel of someone laying next to me. My nail’s are painted hot pink, and I don’t really remember painting them. I hate pink 4th of July would an excellent time to shoot someone. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
12:29 am	Soon Bill Gates will own the moon Ok, so I don’t even know which is my online journal thing anymore… I have like 5 different sites I all write in. It’s all very stupid. I saw two shooting stars tonight. Now that’s quite good for me, considering I was always the girl that looked the other way just as the others saw a shooting star. Rachael and I ate at Perkins tonight, the bitchy waitress was there. And she says to us (trying to be funny) “you guys are eating at Perkins, while the fireworks are going on” (the big fireworks were happening by the lake) Well bitch at Perkins, If by some odd chance youre reading this, you’re a slut and I wrote “you suck” on your lonely dollar bill tip. An old couple at work gave me a 20 dollar bill and said it was a 50 and then they said I was charging too much for their milkshakes. Well old couple I would like to tell you “YOUR OLD” So much for this lame entry I wish I could name all the star constellations. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 23rd, 2005
5:48 pm	My weekend was somewhat bad well mostly just Saturday. Somewhat bad for the following events in chronological order… -Went to Newville with Amanda, Kevin, Nick, and Eddy, only to find out the show was cancelled - On our way back home I, the driver, got a 156.20 dollar speeding ticket - In our attempts to better our bad night we went to the park. While at the park I climbed a tree, and somewhere in that time frame my keys to my car fell out of my pocket. -It got dark out and we had yet to find my keys. -They crawled through my open car window and set off the car alarm. Which went off for about 10 minutes -Then the cop came in the action when Katie is driving on the grass of the park with her brights on to help shine some light. -the cop tells Katie that’s a no, no and ask for the license she doesn’t have with her. The 2nd cop ended up being cool and helped us find my keys, we went back to nicks where Kevin and Nick pulled bluegrass music out of their asses on a acoustic guitar and a harmonica. Amanda and I went back to her got ready to sleep outside under the stars where the perfect weather started to rain. The end. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
2:06 am	We are not physically the strongest by far. We are not fast, we can not fly, nor breathe underwater. We can not survive under extreme temperatures, we are not the tallest, toughest, smallest, or biggest creatures. Yet we remain at the top because a thing called the human mind. We have the ability to think original thoughts; to create. In much more words my photography instructor gave this speech as a failed attempted to inspire the artless which bodies make up most of my class. I drove my mom to the mall today because all of the sudden shes decided to be fit and needed a new pair of walking shoes. I ended up getting a pair too, the same ones as my mom (different size) because she thinks It’d be cool if our feet were twins. Their black and pink. (when I went out today numerous people said they didn’t look like a me kind of shoe because their were pink) They’re Nike’s and I feel bad because some kid from a 3rd world country probably made them so he could feed himself and his 7 other siblings. I went to the movie theater. Why? Because that’s what the average middle class people like me do when their bored. I saw Crash, a moving about discrimination. It takes a group of totally diverse LA strangers and “crashes” them together. It was a good movie and I’d recommend it over any of the current movies out in theaters. However this movie didn’t open my eyes in any sort of way because I already knew how fucked up we all are. Oh and Hotel Rwanda is out at blockbuster and other video store, good movie to anyone who gives a fuck about the rest of the world. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 14th, 2005
12:40 am	Get this, On the news I heard that in the Milwaukee public library they caught a 12 year old and a 10 year old having intercourse on surveillance tape. … Monday night I left my car roof open without knowing it all through the night. Well it rained that night, a lot. I awoke the next day to my car flooded with water. After airing out for a few days its pretty much dry but the musty smell of mold is still there. I have a bet going with one of my coworkers. I bet he couldn’t eat meat for 48 hours. If I win he’s cleaning my car and vise versa. My button popped off of my pants today, I feel fat Current Music: suck young blood, radiohead (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
3:42 pm	About a week ago, I went a little insane. It was last Friday, I had made plans to go down and visit Amanda but figured I cancel them because I wasn’t feeling up to par. Amanda called around 6 and my mom answered and I don’t know my mom must have told her that I couldn’t do anything that evening. When I found out I asked her why. She said something about me being a bitch to her for the past couple of days. Well I went insane after asking her nicely if I could go (notice how her saying I cant go only made me want to go). I think the true reason why she didn’t want me going out that night is because she doesn’t trust Amanda. Well anyways I went insane. I started screaming about how much I do right (get good grades, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, not a whore, blahblahblah) and then when I act the slightest bit bitchy due to the above stresses she gets mad. Then I scream “you want me to give you a fucking legitimate reason to punish me” this is where I pick up the crystal ashtray from on top of table and throw it across the room. (crystal ashtrays? What’s up with that, that’s like diamond toilet seats) It shattered into a thousand different pieces. Then I slammed the door, punched the door (my knuckles start bleeding) take all my clothes from my closet and throw them everywhere while ranting about how useless all these materials are. I then proceed to the den where I throw ever book that was on the shelve and blah blah blah. While my mom yells im crazy and she’s going to call the police. After destroying my room and this one, all my adrenaline is gone and I feel like going to bed, as I do. The next morning I clean up the messes I have made and leave for work without a word to my mom. My mother stops by my work to eat (she never does this), she sees that im on break, and we talk. Not about the events that occurred last night but of petty things. I thought I was going to be in trouble, I wanted to be in trouble but instead she asked if I wanted to go out with her after work. We ended up going to the movies and the mall. I believe she is afraid of me. I feel like such an awful daughter. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 30th, 2005
11:59 pm	Over worked, and zombielicious work work work work work work work... I hate work, but then again it's ok, because i hate most everything else anyway. It's all just an excuse to waste time, waste time before i die. Yes, Kids why not get educated, fill your brain with (in the bigger picture) useless information. Do this for about 10, 15 years or so. Hmmm and after that go get a job. Work for about 30-40 years. Then after that retire, try to fulfill your dreams you never could because you were working, then realize your old, pitiful, useless, and your life was a waste. Then sit around a wait for your death to come, and ponder your path of mistakes. Yes this is life... (Comment on this)